I remember / je me souviens
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For those limbic bursts of nostalgia, invented by Proust, miniaturized by Nicholson Baker, and freeze-dried by Joe Brainard in his I remember and by Georges Perec in his Je me souviens.

But there are no fractions, the world is an integer
Like us, and like us it can neither stand wholly apart nor disappear.
When one is young it seems like a very strange and safe place,
But now that I have changed it feels merely odd, cold
And full of interest.
          --John Ashbery, "A Wave"

Sometimes I sense that to put real confidence in my memory I have to get to the end of all rememberings. That seems to say that I forego remembering. And now that strikes me as an accurate description of what it is to have confidence in one's memory.
          --Stanley Cavell, The Claim of Reason


Friday, March 15, 2013
I remember when I achieved what seemed to me a kind of graciousness in dealing with my parents' demands: I could tell them things that were technically truthful, instead of lying outright, but still deceive them when necessary, which I frequently deemed it to be.  But they cottoned on to this pretty quickly, and in long session of rebuke they forbade me to "give the wrong impression."

I hadn't known that there was a name for what I was doing.  That somewhat compensated for the loss of this new technique for protecting myself by misleading them.  It turned out that I was right to feel what I'd done as an achievement.  They even told me that in legal contexts (my mother being a lawyer), "giving the wrong impression" counted as breaking the oath to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, the oath I always looked forward to seeing a new witness take on Perry Mason.

So my sense that lies were childish defenses against adult power, needed by children but not by grownups, changed a little: now it turned out there was an adult way of lying, and that I'd discovered it myself, which contributed to my pride that I was becoming an adult, a person wise in the ways of adult life.  Even the fact that the agreed-on name for this kind of deceit took four words to say was a pleasure.


posted by William 11:55 PM
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